Just Like Everybody Else
A long time ago I was going through a really tough time and went to one of the elders in the church I went to. After pouring my heart out to him and asking for help, he put his hand on my shoulder, looked me in the eyes and said, “My girl, you’re just like everybody else.” That was the wrong thing to say. I went to him for help. And that’s what I get. That was possibly the worst insult anybody could ever give me. I had worked for a long time to be exactly the opposite of that. To this day I have strived to be different, to be unique. I was crying out for help and not only did I not receive the help I asked for, but was mortally insulted in the process. And now, 6 or so years later I am facing a horrible realisation: I am just like everybody else.
I hate it. I cannot stand it. My life is ordinary. It is boring. There is nothing extraordinary about it. If I cannot do great things in this lifetime, what is the point of even being here? I don’t want to be ordinary, I don’t want to fit in. I want to stand out. I have always resisted being average. I have always felt happiness when I have stood out. So to face the reality now that I really might just be like everybody else. That is killing my spirit. At the age of 21 I feel like I am having a mental midlife crisis. I feel like I am boring, like I have nothing to contribute. Like my life is over. I wanted to be a young achiever. And I’m not young anymore by achievement standards. Miley Cyrus is only 16 and she’s a thousand times more successful than I am now. I respect her. But then again, sometime I also feel like I’ve already peaked, and the best days are over. I hope that she manages to sustain her success.
THAT is why I’m writing this blog. Because I need to get this out. I can’t keep it bottled in anymore. I need to lose my reputation. I need to let it all go. Put it all out there. To stop trying to be the person everyone wants me to be, and to actually start being me. So this blog is a bit of a diary, a collection of confessions, and a place to commiserrate with others who feel just like me. Because even if I’m just like every other girl, at least I’m not alone.
